I went to one of my kindergartens today and during a break went to the restroom. I was trying to figure out how to flush, when I noticed a button. Now before I tell you what happened let me give you some history on my poor judgment when it comes to following compulsions and curiosity. When I was in 4th grade we went on a field trip, on a school bus of course. Everyone knows the red handle on the window that you pull in the event of an emergency. I sat quietly eyeing the temptation for a good hour. I finally caved and gave it a good yank. Bells started ringing and I froze instantly. “Just what have I gotten myself into.”, I thought. The bus driver slowed the bus and my teacher took immediate action. I could see the fury boiling in her eyes. She knew that there was not an emergency yet someone had “cried wolf”. I slumped in my seat. It never occurred to me that there were only a few red levers on the bus so I didn’t flee the scene of the crime. Slowly and methodically she worked her way to the back of the bus. Rabbits aren’t smart creatures. However I chose to imitate one by utilizing their ‘if I can’t see you, you can’t see me strategy’. Avoiding eye contact is a great evasive measure if you can evacuate, if not please try something else (take it from me). Soon I heard angry breathing and felt the searing gaze of born disciplinarian. Her stare bore huge holes in my chest causing my breaths to come in ragged gasps. I fought hard to stave off her stare down. If I could just ignore her for a few more hours maybe we would make it home and I could slip past her and waltz out the door home free. About a second later she crushed me. I cracked and started spilling my guts. I told her I didn’t know what she was talking about. I never even saw that red lever. “No way!! I didn’t pull it. No, I don’t know how it happened. Well maybe I hit it accidentally and the alarm went off. That was probably it. Yeah, I’m sorry I bumped it.” She wasn’t buying. Switch tactics quick. Take someone down with you. “Ok, I pulled it, I didn’t know what it would do, but did you know that someone was throwing paper a few minutes ago. I know who it was.” It ended there. I was sternly reprimanded and I promised to mind my business from then on and control my curiosity. I have a confession to make. I broke that promise today. There are many buttons in
Sound Reasoning: Where are you?
Planning: (panting and hopping around like an excited dog) A Kindergarten!!!
SR: How do you propose we blend in?
P: (no longer so excited) I dunno….
Suddenly it dawned on me that they had me. I am three and a half feet taller than the average occupant of this building and I have pale white skin and curly hair. I slowly curled up on the floor and waited for the prison guards to get me. I heard footsteps. It was one of the teachers. I told her it was me, I had set off the alarm. She laughed. It wasn’t even a cruel laugh. Maybe this would turn out better than I thought. She didn’t know how to turn off the alarm so she went and got someone who did. She turned it off and laughed along with the rest of us. Crisis averted, no punishment, no tears, no death, just a story to embellish into a short novel.
MORAL OF THE STORY: Kanji buttons should not be pushed if you are in a handicap bathroom, even if you do think that it is the flush button. Editors note: It was an automatic flush, had the author stepped to the left or the right it would have triggered the sensor and he never would have been forced to press the button. He really is a genius (heavy on the sarcasm).