Misadventures in a foreign language…

10/9/07

I have to admit that my mastery of Japanese has been thwarted thus far by the fact that I my brain is small and there is only room for so much. I think a breakdown of my brain space is the best way to make the point clear to you.

27% a detailed list of my favorite sweets both past and present (the time I ate a quart of chocolate brownie ice cream in a day, the nights of dipping oreos into peanut butter, buying and sneaking enormous amounts of candy into movie theaters and then eating it all, throwing up after eating too much Halloween candy when I was 6, I think it was a vanilla tootsie roll that put me over the edge while driving back from trick or treating at Jane Archers house.)

23% memories of my childhood

13% the English language

13% a detailed list of my favorite foods both past and present

11% memories to tease my parents with (the Clovis zoo, burned toast, baseball to the face, etc.)

8% memories of participating in and viewing athletic events

2% useless facts

1.5% things I learned in elementary school

1% things I learned in college

* I slept through junior high and high school

0.49% remembering my telephone number and every computer password that I have ever used except the one that I need right now.

0.01% Japanese

As you can see I am all fulled up (despite the squiggly red line under fulled, it sounds better this way). You can imagine how painful Japanese class can be. With each new vocabulary word I am weighing my options. “Do I really need to know sentence structure? I would much rather keep remembering that my 325nd favorite candy is Bit o Honey. Should I try to remember the phrase for,” I am lost” or can I get by with “Where is the 7-11?” If I can ask where 7-11 is I bet I can ask for directions to my house from there. Except that there are billions of 7-11’s in Japan. Oh and…I neglected to remember how to ask for directions in favor of keeping the memory of filling up the hole (5ft x 5ft x 3ft) in the back yard with water and making Jana (sister) walk over it on a 3 inch beam (she was muddy afterwards). I just forgot what I was trying to remember, crisis averted.” Because of this dilemma I am forced into difficult situations when speaking in Japanese. The partial nature of my memory can cause problems. I often say things that do not make sense and because of that the skin on my face is a permanent red. I no longer have to blush to show embarrassment at the meaning of the words that came out of my mouth. People don’t even know when I am embarrassed anymore. In fact I eliminated the ability to register embarrassment in favor of learning the Japanese equivalent to “Three packets of ketchup, please”. I would like to share some mishaps from my misadventures in clumsily wielding the Japanese language (if it was a sword I would no longer have limbs).

After being introduced to all my coworkers for the first time I wanted to say, “yoroshiku onegaishimasu” (“Nice to meet you.” and other things depending on the situation). It came out as “yukkuri onegaishimasu” (“Slowly please.”)

When asked if I enjoyed climbing Mt. Fuji I wanted to say, “fuji-san wa kirei desu.” (“Mt. Fuji is beautiful.”) It came out as “fuji-san wa karai desu.” (“Mt. Fuji is spicy.”)

In replying to “Are you hungry?” I wanted to say, “watashi wa onaka peko peko.” (“I am starving”). It came out as, “watashi wa onaka piko piko desu.” (“My stomach is shiny”)

And my all time favorite, while studying adjectives I learned how to say something is funny or interesting. When practicing this phrase I pointed at a girl and I wanted to say “anohito wa omoshiroi desu.” (She is funny.) It came out as, “anohito wa omorashi desu.” (She is to wet your pants (literal translation “to wet oneself”)). The good thing about that last mistake is that now I know how to tell people I didn’t wet my pants when I get soaked from the rain (refer back to July 5^th).

All joking aside I am really enjoying the challenge of learning the language and working up the courage to put it to use in daily life. My teachers have been so gracious in helping me learn and have invested so much time in teaching me I am very thankful for what they are doing. Now that my Japanese has improved it has been nice to communicate with people who I could not communicate with before and learning some of the nuances of the language has helped shed some light on the Japanese culture itself.

Recently I have been struggling through some hard times missing family and friends, but I have been comforted by friends and “family” here. It has been nice to deepen some of the relationships that I have formed and to be encouraged by those. I was able to attend a church workshop this past weekend and I really enjoyed learning some new songs in Japanese and enjoying the fellowship. We spent time studying and then had some skits that displayed some of the characteristics of some of the different cultures that make up the church. It was a great time to reaffirm what the church as a body should be all about.

I also went to Costco yesterday in Chiba (2 hours away) and it was nice to wander through huge aisles of familiar things. They even had samples. I hit every stand at least once, and some twice. I think that I was borderline on the last fly by. The ladies were starting to eye me and they were gripping their wooden spoons in preparation for an assault on my greedy hands. Being a well trained sampler I knew when it was time to lay low for awhile. At least until the memory of my hungry eyes and dripping mouth had faded. Unfortunately as I began planning out the logistics for my final strike they began to roll their carts to the back of the store. My howls of pain and misery were drowned by the chatter of endless shoppers and the tears that slowly rolled down my cheeks were caught by a bag of rice that began to swell from the moisture. I was consoled by the fact that I still had shopping to do. I tried to make purchases that I could not make in Mito. I bought oatmeal, raisins, salsa, peanut butter, soap, hot chocolate, chai, pickles and my prizes Reeses Pieces and Gummy Bears. The latter 2 purchases concern me the most. Since Costco sells in bulk, both bags of candy are the largest I have ever purchased. That in itself does not concern me. The fact that candy is my kryptonite does. I reserved a bed in the hospital for tomorrow. I wonder what it will be like to have a belly swollen from a five pound mixture of peanut butter with candy shells and gummy bears. I will probably have to drink lots of hot chocolate to wash it down. One thing is for sure, I will have a hard time explaining why I will have to miss the next week of school because I ate too much candy.

New Pictures (Undokai and World Champs)

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Undokai

9/26/07

I am really enjoying the EBC class that I am a part of. My reader is very knowledgeable and has an astounding vocabulary. He has already taught me many things and I know that our relationship will be a blessing to me. I hope that I can be a good example and a helpful teacher. It still humbles me to think of how much wisdom and life experience that he has and I am trying to teach him. There are so many people I have met that are full of a different wisdom and knowledge than I have ever been introduced to and I can’t help but be changed by meeting them. From the dedication exhibited by my Japanese

coworkers to the women who sacrifice their time and energy to teach a thick headed rock like me, Japanese, I have learned from all of them and hopefully will continue to do so. God has blessed me with so many opportunities.

September 16^th was the school undokai (sports festival). Imagine elementary track and field day on steroids and you have one-fifth of an undokai. The rest is made up of dancing and shouting and opening and closing ceremonies. I really enjoyed watching my first undokai and was lucky enough to participate in one event. I was passing out ribbons for fourth place. When suddenly the PTA ladies that I was working with stood up and beckoned me to come with them. From my experience these situations rarely turn out well. Sometimes I am asked to give a speech or sing a solo of some song or something that I am entirely uncomfortable doing. I looked around nervously and one of the teachers shooed me along. I just knew I was going to be asked to address the crowd and tell them about the difference between quantum and molecular physics (I would have to make something up quick). I readied myself with some of my biggest and best vocabulary words (little, red, you, nice, train, apple, dog, you know impressive words like these) and I prepared to storm to the microphone and rant and rave for at least 45 seconds. However I was steered away from the microphone and into a long line of parents. I was on the red team they told me. Great!! I love the red team. I stood waiting for an explanation of what the competition was and what my part in it would be. I waited longer. I could see that this was going to be one of those faith experiences. I looked around and saw six lines. Apparently each pair of lines were on the same team. They rolled out these huge balls (about 4 ft in diameter) and I immediately envisioned Indiana Jones fleeing from a giant boulder in the heart of a forgotten temple. I stood watching and waiting. The line of parents across from me looked at the ball expectantly. I heard a whistle blow and the ball came hurtling through the corridor of parents, each one giving it a slap to keep it rolling as it past. It came closer and I cocked my arm to give it a good wallop, however the man directly to my right gave it such a hard smack that it flew right past my swinging arm without any contact. My arm continued on its course only to meet with the arm of the man next to me. I pretended like it didn’t happen. It wasn’t very effective so I moved on to plan B and apologized. It was then that I realized the race wasn’t over. The people at the end of the line were pushing the ball around a cone and then picking it up over their heads. We began passing it back over our heads until it reached the starting point. It was a blast. The red team won. But wait, someone was saying something over the loudspeaker. I don’t know what was said but I like to pretend that one of our team members was suspended for using performance enhancing drugs (or it was a practice round). We played once more and the red team met a bitter defeat at the hands of the blue team. I wept unabashedly, tears gushing, rolling down my cheeks, my breathing came in ragged gasps. Some first graders comforted me off to the side while the other events continued. Once I had regained my composure I went back to my post of handing out ribbons to the fourth placers. After the undokai was finished and cleaned up the teachers went to a really nice restaurant and relaxed.

The next Monday was a holiday and I went with some friends to a hiking trail in Iwaki. We hiked/climbed across chains and ladders for several hours enjoying the natural beauty of Japan. It was the most beautiful place that I have been in Japan. We swam in the frigid waters below a small but powerful waterfall.

This past Sunday and Monday I went on a church retreat to a small camp north of Mito. It was a great time of fellowship and relaxation. It was a great way to get to know some of the church members better and I was lucky enough to have several great cabin mates to study and talk with. I don’t have much on the schedule as far as adventures are concerned. Unless you consider fighting ninjas an adventure…

The World Track and Field Championships, Osaka 2007

Where do I begin? As a runner and a huge track fan I love to watch huge track meets. I was privileged to travel to Osaka and watch the final day of the World Track and Field Championships. What an opportunity! Austin and I busted out of town last Friday night (8/31) on an all night bus headed for southern Japan. I was excited and couldn’t wait for the track meet on Sunday night. It was amazing to think that in a few short hours I would be watching the best runners in the world compete for a World Championship title. I had been keeping up with the meet via my Japanese cell phone (keitai). It has TV capabilities and I can watch local TV. So for the past week I had been watching the meet on a 2.5 in by 1.5 in TV screen. I would soon be watching them in real life! With the help of a few Tylenol pm I fell asleep. I woke up about 30 minutes later and again 20 minutes after that and again….let’s just say that Japanese buses aren’t designed with 6’1 in mind. We arrived in Kyoto around 6 am. We had planned on riding the bus all the way to Osaka and then riding the train to Kyoto and spending some time sight seeing and then return to Osaka for the night. We didn’t know that the bus would stop in Kyoto, so we hopped off and started walking. We bought an all day bus pass and spent the day riding/walking around looking at very old temples and palaces and castles. We rode the train to Osaka that night and I met our hosts for the first time. We stayed with a very nice couple (Gavin and Lindsay) and they showed us around Osaka that night and the following morning. We ate at Outback and went to a bookstore with a huge English section. I didn’t need any books but I enjoyed being in a place that I could actually read the writing on the books and magazines. And now for the main event: the track meet was scheduled to begin at 7:00 pm. Our bus left for Mito at 9:30. Could we watch the entire meet, catch a train to the bus station and then catch our bus to Mito? We did a test run in the afternoon and realized that we would be cutting it close. We went to the meet a couple hours early to get good seats. The evening was spectacular. Even though most of the races were tactical and slow they featured huge moves in the final laps and meters. We saw a total 4 of American medals (3 gold) in 7 events and watched medal ceremonies from the day before. We heard the USA national anthem 4 times (pole vault, 4x100 M&W, 5000M). Overall it was a great time and it was definitely worth the trip. We stood at the exit to watch the final race of the night. The men’s 4x400. Jeremy Wariner opened up a huge lead and crushed the field to help the relay team win another gold. As he crossed the finish line and his race ended, our race began. We sprinted from the stadium drawing frightened glances from the event staff. We had purchased train tickets ahead of time and our first leg to the train station was smooth. We arrived at the bus stop with 15 minutes to spare. When we boarded the bus we had to bend sideways at the waist to walk down the aisle. The ceiling could not have been taller than 4 and a half feet. It was a double decker bus so they had to make both floors small. It was by far the shortest bus (ceiling height) that I have ever been on and it was even short for Japanese standards. We sat down, relieved about making the bus and settled in for the 12 hour ride. I still had a decision to make. The bus was scheduled to arrive at Mito station at 8:15. Mito station was about 15 minutes from my school and somewhere in there I would have to change into some nicer clothes. I could just be late and try to explain or I could get off an hour before Mito at a train station and hope that I could catch a train. This was a pretty risky option because I could miss the train that would get me there on time and then be stuck waiting for the next train which might make me even later than if I stayed on the bus. I went to sleep not knowing what I would do. I woke up at each stop and renewed the decision making process. I decided that if we arrived to the train station early enough that I would try to make it. I sprinted off the bus at about 6:50 hoping to make the 6:59 train to Mito. After rushing through the station trying to figure out which platform I needed I waltzed up to the train with a few minutes to spare. What a victory! I rode a packed train feeling very self conscious about the fact that I hadn’t showered in awhile or brushed my teeth. When we got to Mito I threw on some nice clothes in the bathroom hopped on my scooter and zoomed to school. I arrived about the same time I usually did chalked it up as a victory (though a painful one: I still had to teach 5 classes after not sleeping much the past 3 nights).

The next day I went to the Japanese version of the DMV. I was there to attempt (for a second time) to obtain a Japanese driver’s license. My first time was an utter failure. The instructor ripped me apart (although in Japanese so I didn’t really understand until a friend translated). I was disappointed and felt like a failure. After I considered the circumstances I lightened up quite a bit. I don’t speak Japanese and since the test was administered in Japanese it is no wonder I didn’t fully understand what was expected of me. In addition to that I had not driven a car for 3 months and was still trying to get use to the Japanese driving system. Because of this previous experience it was no wonder that I was very nervous for my second attempt. I passed!! It was a great feeling!!

As I am typing this, I am at school. It is Friday morning but there are no students here. Is it because it a snow day? A national holiday? Nope, it is because there is a typhoon pounding the city. However, teachers are required to go to school. I rode my scooter to school in a typhoon that has recorded winds of over 75 mph. I don’t think that it was quite that windy when I left this morning but it was still scary. The rain was pounding my face shield on my helmet and the wind was blowing me all over the place. I was happy to arrive safely.

Sunday will be my first time to participate in EBC. I am in a one on one Bible study and I am anxious to meet my student. Please pray that I will be an effective instrument.

Raise the Alarm

8/30/2007

I went to one of my kindergartens today and during a break went to the restroom. I was trying to figure out how to flush, when I noticed a button. Now before I tell you what happened let me give you some history on my poor judgment when it comes to following compulsions and curiosity. When I was in 4^th grade we went on a field trip, on a school bus of course. Everyone knows the red handle on the window that you pull in the event of an emergency. I sat quietly eyeing the temptation for a good hour. I finally caved and gave it a good yank. Bells started ringing and I froze instantly. “Just what have I gotten myself into.”, I thought. The bus driver slowed the bus and my teacher took immediate action. I could see the fury boiling in her eyes. She knew that there was not an emergency yet someone had “cried wolf”. I slumped in my seat. It never occurred to me that there were only a few red levers on the bus so I didn’t flee the scene of the crime. Slowly and methodically she worked her way to the back of the bus. Rabbits aren’t smart creatures. However I chose to imitate one by utilizing their ‘if I can’t see you, you can’t see me strategy’. Avoiding eye contact is a great evasive measure if you can evacuate, if not please try something else (take it from me). Soon I heard angry breathing and felt the searing gaze of born disciplinarian. Her stare bore huge holes in my chest causing my breaths to come in ragged gasps. I fought hard to stave off her stare down. If I could just ignore her for a few more hours maybe we would make it home and I could slip past her and waltz out the door home free. About a second later she crushed me. I cracked and started spilling my guts. I told her I didn’t know what she was talking about. I never even saw that red lever. “No way!! I didn’t pull it. No, I don’t know how it happened. Well maybe I hit it accidentally and the alarm went off. That was probably it. Yeah, I’m sorry I bumped it.” She wasn’t buying. Switch tactics quick. Take someone down with you. “Ok, I pulled it, I didn’t know what it would do, but did you know that someone was throwing paper a few minutes ago. I know who it was.” It ended there. I was sternly reprimanded and I promised to mind my business from then on and control my curiosity. I have a confession to make. I broke that promise today. There are many buttons in Japan. Many of them have fascinating Kanji (Chinese characters) on them. I imagine that they reveal secret passages or release trap doors that shower money on the button pusher. As I was trying to figure out how to flush the toilet I caught a glean of green light and heard the soft whispering of my name. I stopped and listened, yep it was definitely saying, “Ueido, Ueido” (it’s a Japanese button so it uses Japanese pronunciation, of course). I hesitantly called out, “Who is it? What do you want?” It spoke in Japanese and I didn’t understand the words but I definitely understood the meaning. “I am the flushing button, push me NOW!.” I was racked with indecision. “I’m not sure…” I stuttered. “Push me, push me.”, it hissed back. Slowly, I extended my finger and leaned closer. The green light started to dance out of the Kanji on the button. I knew that I was being deceived but my weakness for flashing green Kanji buttons consumed me and I crumbled under the stress. I gave it a quick, sharp jab (in case it tried to bite me). All of a sudden I was back in fourth grade yanking the lever and freezing to the tune of shrill alarm bells. The alarm that sounded shattered the powerful spell of the Kanji button and I sprang into action. I lunged for the door and pulled on the handle. Rejected. I had locked the door. I fumbled with the lock. I tried to remember the code. Did it need to analyze my fingerprint on that touch screen on the wall? Did it use voice recognition software or a retina scan? It had to be one or the other. It was a state of the art lock and the pulsing of the alarm was minimizing the sliver of logical thinking that I am capable of. Finally I cracked it. It was an amazing system, requiring both skill and finesse. I turned the lock and the door opened. I gulped the air of freedom and relished in the warm friendly light of 60 watt light bulbs. I tried to relax and devise a plan. I could flee the building. They would never find me. Plan A: I would cross the border to Mexico before they even realized I was gone…wait that won’t work, I don’t have my passport or a car. Plan B: Hide in the broom closet…nope I would never fit. Plans flew into my brain and were quickly rejected by sound reasoning. (Why can’t planning and sound reasoning ever work together). …Plan K: …nope that will never work there aren’t that many real dragons left in Japan…Plan M: blend in with your adversaries. Ok, now here was a solid plan. Let’s analyze the situation:

Sound Reasoning: Where are you?

Planning: (panting and hopping around like an excited dog) A Kindergarten!!!

SR: Where?

P: Japan!!!

SR: How do you propose we blend in?

P: (no longer so excited) I dunno….

Suddenly it dawned on me that they had me. I am three and a half feet taller than the average occupant of this building and I have pale white skin and curly hair. I slowly curled up on the floor and waited for the prison guards to get me. I heard footsteps. It was one of the teachers. I told her it was me, I had set off the alarm. She laughed. It wasn’t even a cruel laugh. Maybe this would turn out better than I thought. She didn’t know how to turn off the alarm so she went and got someone who did. She turned it off and laughed along with the rest of us. Crisis averted, no punishment, no tears, no death, just a story to embellish into a short novel.

MORAL OF THE STORY: Kanji buttons should not be pushed if you are in a handicap bathroom, even if you do think that it is the flush button. Editors note: It was an automatic flush, had the author stepped to the left or the right it would have triggered the sensor and he never would have been forced to press the button. He really is a genius (heavy on the sarcasm).

Fuji-san

I conquered Fuji-san (Mr. Fuji). It was a battle and a long one at that but in the end I bested an object that isn’t alive and can’t think. Take that, what a victory!! The day started with a 9 to 5 day that seemed like it would never end. I cut out from work about 4:55 and we drove to the train station to catch a 5:27 train to Tokyo. We arrived in Tokyo about 6:45 and rushed through the station to catch another train and then another to a station called Shinjuku. We then rode a bus for 2 and half hours and arrived a Fuji around 10:20 pm. The trek began at 10:45. There were tons of people on the mountain (including many people who were paying for a guided trek). They were slow and the trail was narrow. Austin and I hiked together and soon we found ourselves in a very long line of people that stretched to the top of the mountain. It looked hopeless. The trail we were climbing on was one of the more difficult trails and at times we were scrambling over rocks an around dazed climbers. We finally arrived at the top around 2:45 and sat down to rest and wait for the sunrise. I was surprised at how cold it was. I was prepared but my feet were still pretty cold by the time the sun peeked over the clouds. It was one of the most beautiful things I have ever seen. From our vantage point Fuji dominated the other mountains in the area. The clouds settled low in valleys around and I was struck as the sun bounced off their fluffy tops and finally crested the puffy sea of white. The cheers from the people on top (there were several hundred) echoed out into the frosty air surrounding the monstrous volcano. Shortly thereafter we rushed to on the huts and tried to warm up with a bowl of udon (noodles). The other members of our crew arrived shortly after and we enjoyed the warmth for several hours. After spending some time snapping photos, we started down. We took another trail down and saw a whole different side of the mountain. It was barren (just like the other sides). Being a volcano it was covered in lava rock that made slipping a certainty instead of a possibility. We finally arrived at the bus station and sat dazed and exhausted.

Yesterday I ate lunch with my principal and the curriculum director. When he invited me a million different scenarios flashed through my mind (most of them bad). I thought for sure it was one of those plans to isolate the bad seed and then fire them where there were not witnesses. Instead we had a nice quiet lunch (it was a little too quiet for my tastes and that says a lot). I had a good time and the food was good.

On Friday, Austin and I are riding the overnight bus to Osaka. We will hang out Saturday and Sunday morning and then Sunday night we will watch the final day of the World Track and Field Championships. Then we will ride the bus back and arrive around 8 am, Monday morning. I will then drive like a madman to try to make it to school on time. I am pretty sure I will not make it. Tuesday I will attempt to pass the Japanese driving test for a second time. The first time I bombed. This time I am prepared. Is it because I have practiced? No. Is it because I have studied? No. It is because I am not going to touch the gas pedal (other than the mandatory acceleration to 40 km at the very beginning). If I get the same instructor as last time I will bore them to death with my driving.

On Sunday after we climbed Fuji we went to a small church and met some very special people. They were so nice and hospitable. I was impressed by there service. There were 15 people. 5 of whom were with my group. The Lord is alive in Japan even if it is in small numbers. I was a huge encouragement to see the perseverance of the leadership in the face of adversity. I think that many people could learn a great deal from some of the people I have met here in Japan. God bless.

Please check out my photo album for some pictures of Mt. Fuji, Mt. Tsukuba, Bali, Indonesia and Taipei, Taiwan.

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8/10/2007

It has been over a month since I lasted posted and much has happened since then. First my computer crashed roughly a month ago. I think it was actually the day after the last post. It is interesting to me that my computer crashed right after I posted about how much time I was wasting using it. God knows what’s going on. It was a nice break from technology. My friend fixed my computer a couple of days ago and now I am plugged back into the world but with a little more willpower.

I am school today. Summer break started July, 20^th for the students. Teachers in Japan do not have an official summer break. They must use sick days or special paid vacation days.

What I did on my Summer Vacation.

By:　 ウエイド　ミラ

I took off two weeks ago and went to Taipei, Taiwan and Bali, Indonesia with some of my friends. We had a great time. My second time on an airplane was just as fun as the first. Here is a rundown of our activities in Bali in action verb form: we went rafting, swimming, beaching (I made that word up), elephant riding, monkey watching (like bird watching except with marsupials and danger), sight seeing (volcanoes, beaches, temples, a zoo) and every night we ate at the same little joint on the beach. I learned many things on this trip. I will share two of the most important things that I learned. The cocoa bean (where chocolate comes from) looks very, very disgusting and tastes strange. How they ever get such a delicious treat from a bean that looks like monkey brains is a mystery to me. The second thing (and probably the most pivotal lesson that I learned) is that the sun in Bali is angry. It laughs at pale, freckled weaklings (such as myself) and showers scorn and hate in the form of hot hotness and shiny arrows (maybe the arrows were my imagination). Why was the sun so angry? It might have been because I spat in the proverbial face of the sun and shunned the use of sun armor (some people call it sunscreen). I am a proud owner of very intelligent skin. It used an ancient technique to elude detection from my enemy (the sun). My skin (pay attention, this is the really impressive part), began to camouflage itself with the red lettering on the towel I was laying on. I thought, “WOW, I am a regular gecko!!” The sun searched and howled in fury but I had completely escaped detection. To the sun I looked like a red blob on a white towel. I was giddy with a false sense of victory. I spent a few minutes congratulating myself and my clever skin on a well deserved victory. Right about now you are wondering just how you can train your skin to execute such a handy maneuver. Please let me finish before you run off in haste looking for skin training books in your local library (they don’t have them, at least not here in Mito, Japan, I looked). Apparently my skin isn’t quite as clever as I first assumed. It was so tired from the battle that it couldn’t return to its original state. In fact my camo-technique that was so useful in escaping from the sun only served to announce my presence much more quickly than I would have liked. The only place where I could blend in was the produce section between the zucchini and the leeks. That’s right I was readily accepted by some rather friendly tomatoes. I carried a few around on my shoulders the rest of the week so I wouldn’t feel out of place. Let me tell you that I learned a valuable lesson from the whole sun battle debacle. My skin is cowardly. What looked like a brilliant victory soon turned into a painful defeat and then complete and utter DESERTION. As we speak it is jumping ship and wallowing in it’s shame. As any intelligent person would, I reflected on the entire situation and I figured out what I did wrong. If I would have used a plain white towel (no red lettering) then my skin would not have had to change at all. It would have already blended in with the towel and the sun would have never detected me at all. So, even though I lost the battle, I was able not to overestimate or underestimate my enemy but in fact to estimate my enemy. I must congratulate myself on gathering the counter intelligence to defeat my opponent next time we meet.

Editor’s note: The author clearly proves his IQ is much more than a lima bean (no brain cells) but clearly less than a goldfish (1 brain cell). He did in fact use sunscreen after 30 minutes, but clearly, it was too late and he received a sunburn which later blistered and is peeling. He later remarked that the sunburn reminded him of his childhood and a visit to the Clovis, NM zoo. (It’s funny to me that I am the author AND the editor, so I can talk bad about myself behind my back).

One last story. I was walking down the street in Bali and a guy started talking to me. He wanted to sell me something just like the 208 people who had talked to me before him. He put on his best Australian accent and asked me if I was from Australia. I told him in Japanese that I came from Japan. He was confused. He continued on in English and I continued on in Japanese. We had a great conversation only I understood everything he said and he understood nothing I said.

On the way back to Japan we stopped in Taipei for two nights. We spent one day exploring the city. We went to the tallest tower in the world and looked around at the city. I really enjoyed Taipei, mostly because they had 2 subways (the kind you ride on and the kind you eat at). I enjoyed both. I didn’t realize how much I missed sandwiches.

Bali reminded me of how privileged I am. Many people spend their lives just trying to survive. I don’t know why God has blessed me beyond my needs. It makes me realize my responsibility to use the blessings that I have to help others. It is always interesting to me to see how other people around the world live. I have seen so many things that were beyond my imagination before I left America. I only hope that I can use those things to understand the people around the world and to understand myself as well. I will be starting EBC (English Bible Class) soon. I don’t know all the details but we will be using the Bible to study English with people. I am both excited and nervous about this opportunity and I am praying that God will use the program to his benefit.