My Scooter's name is "Lady Killer"

4/24/2007

My first day teaching at school; it was great. I was accused of being Michael Jackson. There are so many things that Japanese children associate with America that are way off base. As I walked down the halls to the English room I was gawked at and it was really funny. It was as if I was the main attraction at the zoo. When I sat down at my desk I spent some time thinking about how funny the situation is that I put myself in. I am in a foreign country with no diversity. I stick out like a sore thumb. I don’t speak enough Japanese to communicate effectively, but I do speak enough Japanese to get myself in trouble by agreeing, when I have no idea what is being said. Imagine what Americans would think if we started bringing in foreign teachers who could not speak any English. Anyway while I was thinking all of this I had a huge goofy grin on my face because I think the aforementioned situation is hilarious for some strange reason. School lunch today was tame, pasta and a loaf of raisin bread. All the classes I taught went fairly well. I spent some time talking about my family and country then we practiced introducing ourselves.

During a conversation earlier this week I found out that cowboys are also known as Texas ninjas, something I had to travel to Japan to find out. The Texas school system should add that to their curriculum.

Mom, stop reading now.
I got a scooter and it is both exhilarating and terrifying. The Japanese drivers coupled with my lack of scooter training is a bad recipe. I will practice and soon I will be dominating the streets of Mito-shi with the scooter gang that I am starting; our name, the Texas Ninjas. We will probably wear bandannas and hit people with rocks and bamboo. I WILL get deported.

4/25/2007

Let me tell you about today. It was raining this morning so I wore different clothes to ride my bike to school. The minute I arrive I being changing my clothes in the teachers locker room. I am midway through the process when I receive a call (on my sweet Japanese cell phone that is smarter than I am) and I say “Hey, what’s up.” Thinking it is one of my friends. Turns out it is the curriculum director asking me in broken English when I was coming to school. It seems that he doesn’t understand the phrase, “I am already here.” We spent a few more minutes in awkward half silence until I was dressed and then I walked into the teachers room still talking on my phone and I waved at him. He had some important information for me, which would have been very helpful yesterday. A morning assembly was planned to introduce me. I had dry clothes on but my hair was still soaked from the rain. I had worn a tie on a whim, but I did not have a sports coat or suit jacket (a must in Japan for ceremonies). We marched to the gym and I stood in front of 650 elementary students waiting for my cue. I kept wondering what they thought of me. I conjured up some hilarious captions for a few students who were staring at me, but for the most part I have no idea. The principal waved me on stage and I timidly walked to the microphone. I gazed at all the faces looking up at me and said, I am excited to be teaching English in Japan, so on and so forth, thank you for having me and I hopped on my horse and rode off into the sunset (Texas ninja style) only when I got off the stage no one moved. Apparently they assumed I was a mighty orator and I would rant and rave for 20 minutes about how successful the students would be once I was finished with them. About how I would single handedly teach each student to read, write and converse in flawless English. Instead my paltry 45 seconds meant that someone had to stall until it was time to go. So back to the podium I went. I decided to take the situation in a more light hearted direction and we sang some songs: Davy Crockett, the Carpenters, Up From the Grave He Arose and various other gospel hymns and I hummed America the Beautiful as a solo act. Just kidding… they didn’t send me back up there. The principal got back up and here is what I heard… “gibberish-Wade sensei-more gibberish-Wade sensei-more gibberish-Wade sensei (the entire student body turned and looked at me at this point). Here is how I imagine the speech that he gave.
“See the young man without a suit coat or sports jacket? The tall white guy who smells funny. Well, he’s the new English teacher. He demands your respect. He is a Texas ninja!! (this is the part where all the students gasp and looked at me in awe). You will listen to him and you will learn from him. I know that he really isn’t a good public speaker and I know that he is pretty goofy looking and has hair on his arms (a novelty in Japan), but I think that he knows some English and he can probably tell you some neat things about the state of America and the country of Texas.” After the speech I apologized too him for not looking as sharp as I could have and for not “speeching” very well. I think that I am forgiven but from what I understand only if I trim the hedges in front of the school until June and wash the vice principal’s car twice a week. Then the principal and I discussed the different types of music we like. Here is the play by play: Him: “Music, what kind do you like? Me: Jazz, Rock. What kind of music do you like? Him: “Speakers big. JVC made in America. Sony made in Japan. (He jams his finger into the front of his nose to demonstrate who he is talking about) I like movie music.” I love being lost in translation. I think that this experience will make me a much more effective communicator.

5/2/2007
Today I am at school. I am not teaching any classes. I have tried my best to look busy, but I have nothing to do. There are no classes until Monday and I have already prepared for them. I think that I am on the bad employee watch list, either that or I am paranoid. I keep hearing whispers and bits of conversations that I can’t understand but I am positive are about me doing something horribly wrong and them trying to figure out how to tell me. I don’t like to beat around the bush. The bush is beaten past death in Japan. That is how they communicate. Fortunately I don’t know what they are saying to me. For instance, I had a meeting with my two kindergarten teachers and my vice principal (I am the only one who speaks English and not Japanese). I was so confused, especially when they would say something lighting speed and then look at me waiting for an answer. The whole time I was wondering what I was agreeing to (a common theme these days). After it was over with I just had to laugh for the millionth time at how helpless I am. I have no clue at all what is going on and it is still hilarious to me. I am not anticipating the day when I get frustrated instead of tickled. On another note, I have a four day weekend which I am looking forward to. Unfortunately my money is in the bank and the ATM’s close for the holidays (I guess there really are tiny people inside who need a break just like the rest of us) so I have 3 options: 1) relax and get some rest 2) go to the mountains and run around 3) ride my scooter across Japan.

I have really enjoyed eating school lunch with my students. I have eaten all my food thus far. To be honest I kinda like the school lunch here. There is always rice or bread and some kind of salad (tiny sardines and cabbage has been my favorite so far). I don’t ask what I am eating. Yesterday I spent the better part of my free time decoding the lunch menu for the month. Once decoded from Hiragana (Japanese characters) to Romaji (English) I still didn’t know what the dishes were so after lunch I wrote down what we had. I can fill out the menu so I know what we are eating or at least whether I like it or not. I have only eaten in first grade thus far and they are so cute. I can’t say that the conversation is too great. It usually consists of “Hello” the occasional “How are you” and the standard “Fine, thank you and you?”. One girl pulled out “How many people are in your family?” I couldn’t answer. My mind couldn’t handle the sudden change in topic (luckily she asked again, and then 4 times more after I answered). The kids have a standard eating outfit. They all put on these white jackets and masks and hats to serve food and then one student stands at the front of the class and gives a command for everyone to take their masks off. The students all have uniforms and they change at different times in the day.
1) arrive at school: navy blazers, white collared shirt, navy pants or shorts or skirt, bright yellow hat and matching umbrella
2) PE and recess: take off blazers, put on red cap (for boys) or white cap (for girls)
3) lunch: white mask, white jacket, white elastic cap with chin strap
4) cleaning time: same as PE and recess
5) leave: everything worn on arrival
The teachers all change clothes a billion times as well. I can’t keep up with what I should be wearing. I usually just wear the same thing all day while most teachers have changed their clothes for recess, PE, lunch and cleaning time. I am sure they think that I am weird for never changing clothes and I think they are weird for changing so many times.

I went to the fish market near Oarai beach. It was huge!! There were so many people and so many sea creatures. It reminded me of the food vendors at the state fair (except they were selling live sea urchins instead of cotton candy). They even had a free sample line. If you know me well you already know what happened. Being a sucker for free samples I tried all kinds of raw squid and octopus salad, raw fish and seaweed. I can honestly say that I Japanese food is very different from American food. I have only been here two weeks and I am already craving a juicy cheeseburger and greasy fries. Does Tastee Burger handle international orders?

I was able to go to a Japan wide gospel meeting on Monday. I was an encouraging but sobering event. I loved seeing people who are so different from me worshipping the same God that I serve. However, the keynote speaker mentioned that 99.8% of the people in Japan are not Christians. That is half the population of the US. That many people crammed into a country roughly the size of California, it makes for a wildfire if someone gets it started. Please pray that God touches these people. If he can do “immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine” then he can certainly continue to shape the hearts of the people of Japan.